How to Write a Memoir in 5 Steps
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Try for freeA memoir is a way to understand your own experiences and share them with others. You don’t need to be famous or have a dramatic story to write or have a best selling memoir. What matters is being honest. When you write about what’s real—family members, identity, hardship, and the life lessons learned —readers connect. That’s the heart of how to write a memoir.
What’s the Difference Between a Memoir, Biography and Autobiography?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your story is a memoir or something else, you’re not alone. Writers use these terms interchangeably, but they’re not the same.
Memoir
A memoir comes from the French mémoire, meaning “memory.” It focuses on a specific chapter, theme, or transformation in your life. It’s emotional, reflective, and explores vivid memories of personal meaning over exhaustive detail.
In Educated, Tara Westover writes about growing up in a survivalist Mormon family and how education changed her. The memoir stands out for her reflection on how those experiences shaped her identity.
Autobiography
An autobiography covers your life from beginning to present in chronological order. It emphasizes facts, milestones, and events—less about introspection, and more about documentation.
In The Story of My Life, Helen Keller recounts her journey from childhood through her education, showing how she overcame her disability with the help of her teacher, Anne Sullivan.
Biography
A biography is the story of someone else’s life, based on interviews, research, and timelines. It aims to provide an objective account of the subject’s influence or legacy.
Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson exemplifies this. Through extensive interviews and research, Isaacson presents a well-rounded portrait of Jobs’ personal and professional evolution.
Here’s a quick comparison to help you decide which type of story you’re writing:
Types of Memoirs (with Examples)
Memoirs don’t follow a single format. That’s why it helps to know what kind you’re writing. If you’re just starting out, reviewing different memoir ideas can help clarify your vision and give you direction.
Here are some of the most common types:
1. Coming-of-Age Memoirs
Coming-of-age memoirs are about how childhood or adolescence influences the author’s identity. These stories have themes of family dynamics, early trauma, self-discovery, etc.
They reveal how early life experiences can shape who we become as adults. Examples of such memoirs are Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson, and I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.
2. Overcoming Adversity Memoirs
Writers of adversity memoirs focus on resilience. They tell stories of illness, trauma, grief, or life-changing events. These memoirs show how people face the unthinkable, yet come out changed, often revealing deep emotional truth. Sometimes stronger. Sometimes wiser. More compassionate.
For example, I Am Malala is about Malala Yousafzai’s fight for girls’ education in the face of violence.
3. Career or Passion Memoirs
These memoirs blend personal experiences with a profession, passion, or calling. Many writers use their field as a lens to explore deeper truths.
An example is Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential, where he pulls back the curtain on the restaurant industry. At the same time, he weaves in his own chaotic, hilarious, and heartfelt story.
4. Travel or Adventure Memoirs
These memoirs are built around physical journeys that mirror internal change. They explore identity, healing, or reinvention through the lens of travel.
An example is Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, where she recounts her solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail after a season of personal loss. Her story blends raw physical endurance with emotional recovery.
5. Family or Relationship Memoirs
These memoirs cover our most personal bonds—parenting, caregiving, marriage, or generational dynamics. They focus on how relationships shape our identity and life story.
An example is Finding Me by Viola Davis, where she shares her experience growing up in poverty amid family struggles and finding her voice as both a person and an actor.
6. Hybrid Memoir
Some memoirs defy categorization, they fall under the “hybrid memoir” category. Hybrid memoirs could help avoid confusion for writers trying to pigeonhole their stories into a single category.
If your story doesn’t fit neatly into one type, blending forms gives you the creative freedom to express it better and avoid the pressure of forcing it into a single mold. You can mix essay with narrative, or include research, poetry, or letters. These memoirs are more experimental but can be impactful when done well.
An example is Héctor Tobar’s Our Migrant Souls. As the son of Guatemalan immigrants, he blends personal stories with broader reflections on Latino identity and how it affects his life in the United States.
Now that you’ve seen what form your memoir can take, let’s break down the actual writing process, step by step.
How to Write a Memoir
Writing memoirs involves several crucial steps that guide you from the initial idea to the end. Here are five steps on how to write a memoir:
Step 1: Identify Your Memoir’s Core Message
Every great memoir starts with a clear sense of why. Why are you telling this story now? And what is the theme?
Look at your memoir as something that goes beyond being a highlight reel of your life. It’s a lens. A theme. A question you’re trying to answer or a truth you’ve learned the hard way. It’s about finding your voice after years of silence. Forgiveness. Reinvention. Survival. Whatever it is, you need a guiding idea to keep your story focused and meaningful.
As memoirist Marion Roach Smith puts it, “A memoir is not about what you did. It’s about what you learned from what you did”. In other words, your story isn’t a list of what happened. It’s about what those experiences reveal about you. And before you start writing, pause and check in with yourself. Have you healed enough to revisit these moments? Because writing a memoir can be an emotional journey.
For example, in Born a Crime, Trevor Noah doesn’t describe growing up in South Africa. He shows what it meant to grow up “illegal” under apartheid, and how humor became his survival tool. That’s the core of the memoir, and every chapter reflects it.
Ask yourself:
- What kind of books have I been reading to influence my writing?
- What do I want people to understand by the end of this book?
- What’s the emotional thread that connects my experiences?
- Is there one part of my entire life that holds the key to the bigger picture?
Often, a few moments carry the emotional weight of the entire story—those are the ones worth building your memoir around.
Tips: Keep your theme visible as you write. Jot it down on a sticky note. Add it to the top of your draft. Or use it as a working chapter title. That constant reminder will help you stay focused and intentional.
When you define your core message early, everything else gets easier. Scenes start to make sense. Characters take shape. Conflicts find their purpose.
Step 2: Choose a Structure That Fits Your Story
Once you’ve identified your theme, the next step is figuring out how to tell it. Memoirs don’t have to follow a strict timeline. Some of the most interesting memoirs break the rules. They jump through time. They blend different storytelling styles and they use symbols or repeated images to connect the past, present, and deeper meaning.
At the end of the day, the structure you choose should serve your message, and not the other way around.
Common Memoir Structures:
Below are the most common memoir structures.
Chronological
The simplest and most traditional format. You move from Point A to Point B, e.g., childhood to adulthood, or the start to end of a significant chapter. It’s great for coming-of-age stories or memoirs with a natural arc (like Educated by Tara Westover or The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls).
Thematic
In this structure, you organize chapters by theme, not by time. If you’re writing about healing, each section can focus on a different stage or lesson in that journey. When Breath Becomes Air is a good example. It moves between past and present but always orbits around meaning and mortality.
Fragmented / Nonlinear
This structure mimics how memory works. It weaves moments from different times together to create emotional resonance. Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson uses this to show the lasting effects of childhood trauma and the complexity of identity.
Remember, there’s no “right” structure. Choose the one that lets your story shine.
Your memoir should be like a mosaic. When you place each broken tile (memory), it forms a bigger, cohesive picture.
Ask yourself:
- What events pushed me to grow or shift?
- Which moments reflect my main message?
- Where was the emotional turning point?
Step 3: Start Writing Without Editing
Once you’ve got your theme and structure, it’s time to start writing. At this stage, your job is not to polish your work, it’s to write. Begin with the scenes that stay with you; the ones that keep resurfacing in your memory. You don’t have to write in order.
That means letting go of perfectionism and putting your inner critic on pause. Be honest about your experiences—even the difficult ones. Readers connect with vulnerability, not polish. It’s okay to include mistakes, doubts, or shame, as long as they serve the story and support your theme. Writing the way you talk—when you’re being fully honest—can help your voice feel natural and emotionally grounded on the page.
If you’re not sure where to begin, writing exercises or prompts can help you tap into those key moments. Don’t worry if your first draft is messy. It’s your own writing, and it should be. The only bad memoir is one you never write.
Show, Don’t Tell
Instead of saying, “I felt lost,” describe what that looked like: “I stood in the doorway with my keys in my hand, unable to remember where I was going.”
Let readers feel your personal experience; use action, dialogue, and sensory detail to put them in the room with you.
Be Specific
Avoid general statements like “It was a tough time.” What made it tough? What happened? Who was there?
The more specific you are with your life events, the more universal your story becomes. It’s paradoxical, but it’s true.
Not sure where to begin? Try Squibler’s Memoir Writing Generator. It helps you spark emotional scenes and explore difficult moments through guided prompts.
Start with one scene. Write it fast. Then keep going.
Weave in Subplots and Characters
You don’t need a full cast list. But you do need vivid, meaningful characters, especially the ones who influenced you, challenged you, loved you, or hurt you. Even in memoirs, characters need depth. As long as they help shape your arc. If someone plays a significant role in your story, they should grow, change, or challenge you, and not stay flat.
You can even borrow fiction tools to flesh them out, like building a character profile to explore how they influence your journey.
If your story includes subplots (a relationship, a career shift, a secret), make sure they serve your main theme. Everything should point back to your core message.
If this is your first time finishing a full manuscript, read this full guide on how to write a book—it covers mindset, planning, and publishing tips that apply beyond memoir.
Step 4: Revising and Polishing Your Memoir
Once your first draft is done, take a breath. Step away from the manuscript. A little distance is the best editing tool you have.
When you come back to your draft, try to read it not as your life, but as a story someone else is about to discover.
Re-Read with Fresh Eyes
When you return to your draft, ask yourself:
- Does the story make emotional sense?
- Are there sections that feel repetitive or slow?
- Does each chapter connect to the theme I set at the start?
You need to look for clarity, consistency, and meaning, and not grammar mistakes.
Edit for Focus and Feeling
As you revise, trim any scenes that don’t serve your core message. Strengthen general statements by grounding them in real events, dialogue, or sensory details. Watch for clichés or overused phrases (e.g., “It changed my life” — how, exactly?). Make sure every chapter ends with forward momentum or reflection.
Read for Rhythm
Read your memoir aloud. You’ll hear where the language flows, and where it stumbles. Smooth out the rough spots, and aim for a tone that feels true to you.
Get Feedback
Once you’ve revised on your own, share your work with people you trust, e.g., writing groups, beta readers, a coach, or an editor, if you can swing it. Need a place to start? Join the Squibler Writing Community on Discord to connect with other memoir writers and get thoughtful feedback.
Ask: Where did they feel connected? Where did they get confused or lose interest?
You don’t have to take every piece of feedback. But look for patterns. If three readers say the same chapter felt flat, take another look.
Revising is where your story takes shape. Take your time, and if a chapter needs to be rewritten five times, that’s part of the process. It’s common for strong memoirs to go through multiple drafts—sometimes five or more—before they truly come together.
Step 5: Publishing Your Memoir
Once you revise and polish your memoir, the next step is getting it into the hands of readers. That can be thrilling but at the same time, terrifying. But publishing doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t mean shouting your life story from a mountaintop. It’s more like opening a door and inviting the right people to walk through. What matters most is choosing a path that fits your goals and comfort level.
Decide How You Want to Publish
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. But no matter which publishing route you choose, choose one that aligns with your goals, timeline, and comfort level.
Here are the three most common routes:
Traditional Publishing
This is the standard route if you want your memoir to reach bookstores and large audiences. For memoirs, agents and publishers want to see a completed manuscript, even if you have a proposal. You’ll need a book proposal, a query letter, and a literary agent. It can take time, but in the end, you get professional editing, design, and distribution.
Self Publishing
This is if you want more control and a faster timeline. Self-publishing platforms like Amazon KDP or IngramSpark let you handle the process yourself. You can hire an editor or use tools like Squibler to format your book.
Hybrid Publishing
Some companies offer a mix: you invest in production, but get professional support. These companies offer very different models, so research them well and read the fine print.
Think Beyond the Bookstore
You don’t need a publisher’s permission to share your story. If you’re ready now, your memoir can take many forms:
- Start a blog or newsletter and publish chapters as a series.
- Pitch excerpts to literary magazines or online journals.
- Record an audiobook or start a podcast, especially if your voice is part of your story.
- Create a serialized version on platforms like Substack or Medium.
Prepare for Marketing
Even the most personal stories need readers. Here’s how to help yours find the right ones:
- Build an author platform—a simple website, social media page, or mailing list is enough to start.
- Connect with communities who care about your topic (grief, addiction, parenting, identity).
- Reach out to book clubs, podcasts, or bloggers who feature memoirs like yours.
- Join memoir-writing forums or Facebook groups to swap ideas and support.
Know that you don’t need to be everywhere, but you need to show up where your story fits.
Handle Privacy and Legal Concerns
If your memoir includes real people, especially in sensitive situations:
- Change names and identifying details where needed.
- Consider getting permission or legal advice if you’re writing about something controversial.
- Focus on your experience. Stick to your truth without turning your book into a revenge or gossip piece.
Common Memoir Writing Mistakes to Avoid
Writing a memoir is personal, but it’s also a craft. Writers can make common missteps that make a resonating story miss the mark. Many of these pitfalls mirror what fiction writers struggle with too. Here’s what to watch out for:
Trying to Cover Too Much
You don’t need to put your whole life in one book. Memoirs are about a slice, not the whole pie. Stick to the period, theme, or journey that best tells the story you’re trying to share. Less is more.
Writing Without a Clear Theme
If you don’t know what your memoir is about (beyond “my life”), readers won’t either. Every chapter and scene should tie back to your central theme, summing up your life journey. If it doesn’t serve the theme, cut it or reshape it.
Skipping Conflict or Transformation
Like in a novel, a memoir should go beyond being a string of events. Something has to change, whether it’s a mindset, a relationship, or a belief. But readers need to see growth. No transformation equals no story.
Using the Memoir as a Venting Tool
Memoir is not therapy on the page. Be honest and raw. But if the goal is to get back at someone, if not done carefully, it will come through, and readers will check out. Aim to process, not punish.
Forgetting the Reader
You’re telling your story, but you’re writing it for someone else. Make space for them in the narrative. That means being clear, grounded, and generous; not recounting events, but offering meaning.
Skipping Revisions
Even if you write from the heart, your first draft is not your final draft. Memoirs need editing. Always. Clarity and connection come from rewriting, reshaping, and refining your words.
Final Thoughts: Ready to Start Writing Your Memoir?
The memoir writing process isn’t about perfection, it’s about reflection and intention. You don’t need to have lived a dramatic life to write a memoir. You only need to narrate your experience with honesty, clarity, and heart.
FAQs
Many aspiring writers have similar concerns with knowing how to write a memoir. Here are some of the most common questions.
How do you start your memoir?
Start with the moment that won’t leave you alone; the one you keep revisiting in your mind. It doesn’t have to be your earliest memory or even the beginning of your story. Write a scene that matters. You can figure out the structure later.
How many pages is a memoir?
Most memoirs are around 60,000 to 80,000 words, about 250 to 300 pages. But don’t stress about the word count. Focus on telling the story well; you can trim or expand later.
How do I write a memoir about my life?
Narrow your focus. Don’t try to tell everything. Choose a specific theme, question, or chapter of your life, and build your story around it. Memoir is about meaning.
Can I write about people in my life?
Yes, but proceed with care. If someone plays a major role in your story, you can include them. Change names or details if needed, especially in sensitive situations. And when in doubt, talk to a legal or publishing professional.
What if I’m not a “writer”?
You don’t need fancy language or an MFA. You need your voice. Memoirs succeed because they feel real and human, and not because they’re perfect. If you’re telling the truth, you’re already doing it right.
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